I somehow feel worse today than I did yesterday.

I just finished gossip girl. I had to download the last 2 series, because you blocked your Netflix off my iPad. Dan and serena get married at the end, Blair and chuck are there with their son, and it just made me break down because I realised that that will never be us. We always talked about our future, marriage and kids, from very early on. Never in a million years did I imagine that I’d end up here.

I miss sharing my life with you. I have so much to tell you. I treated myself to a MacBook after Christmas. You can imagine how stressed I am when I use it. I left my water bottle in wetherspoons last night and was stressing out and immediately had to buy a new one. I got a mermaid blanket for Christmas and it is my new favourite thing. It matches my new mermaid duvet cover. I also got a simba onesie for Christmas. I picked it out before we broke up, knowing that the lion king is your favourite. I’ve got a new dressing gown, too. Nats and Turk bae are still going strong. We had a new conservatory yesterday. I’ve not spoken to Eddie since before Christmas and I’m stressing that he is ill. We had a big audit today and I was convinced he’d call about that. I found an email that he’d written about me. He told someone that I was one of the most professional and competent people he had ever worked with. I think I’ve lost a bit of weight because all of my clothes are too big. I bought a really nice burgundy hair band recently that matches my glasses. I’ve filled my tsum tsum shelf. The Disney store in leicester has closed down. I’ve got a really nice Mickey Mouse light in my bedroom.

You should be right here by my side, experiencing these things with me.

Come back to me. 

I’m mentally and physically unwell without you.

I love you.

Please.